The Bagpiper

[John Sukey (Deceased)]

As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetary in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. I finaly arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologised to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place.

I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played out my heart and soul.

As I played, the workers began to weep. I played and I played like I'd never played before, from Going Home and The Lord is my Shepherd to Flowersof the Forest. I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car.

As i was opening the tood and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another., "Sweet Jasus, Mary'n Joseph, I never seen nothin like that before and i've been puttin in septic tanks for twenty years!

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[Vern Humphrey]

True story. When I was in Korea, as an additional duty, I was the CG's Piper.

For Christmas, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders visited us, and had a formal dinner in the CG's Mess. I piped them over the stone bridge leading to the mess.

Then one of my friends, who was sitting with several of the ladys and their escorts, beconned me over. "She has a question for you."

The little girl blushed and stammered and finally said, "What do you wear under your kilts?"

And I said, "Th' Lord love yez, me darlin'! Th' barbarous Scots wear nothin' atall under th' kilt. Sure and we Irish are more civilized! We wear th' same t'ing, but we tie a knot in it to keep it from dhraggin' th' ground." :-)

[John Sukey (Deceased)]

On that note.
Two sweet young things were walkin alang an spied a young Scot asleep under a tree. Curious about what wis really worn under the kilt, they gently lifted it. Satisfied, one of them removed her blue hair ribbion an tied it around his John Thomas. On waking up an going ta relieve himself he spied the ribbon. Ah don know whaur ye've been but Ah see ye've won first prize!

Sweet young thing ta Scot. Whuts worn under the kilt?
Reply; "Gie me yer haund wummin"

Little girl crawling on tha floor an looks under her Faithers kilt.
"Whuts them for Da?
Faither's reply; Four? FOUR?
On the set of Braveheart, Mel Gibson asks Scotsman whats worn under the kilt?
Reply; Yer wife's lipstick!

Agin, sweet young thing asks whuts worn under the kilt?
Reply; Nuthin, it's all in guid workin order!

[Pete]

I believe that when Vern was in the infantry at Chateau-Thierry they used to have an expression about "stepping on it."

[Vern Humphrey]

A sweet young thing asked me to teach her to blow the bagpipe.

I bought a set of plaid undershorts. :-)

[John Sukey (Deceased)]

The Chateau Thierry, true story
In WW2, our troops were being sent over to Britain on troopships.
A WW1 veteran was talking to one of the crew about his experiences in WW1.
He said the first time he was sent over to France that he went on the Chateau Thierry. "it was a rust bucket and we were not sure the thing would make it across without sinking." The sailor turned a shade of green and said "My God, this IS the Chateau Thierry!

[Dave]

The funnist I heard about the pipes was in The Longest Day (movie). When Connrey's (sp?) English buddy says, when Scott troops are marching up, "I can't stand that piping" and Conmrey says "Yeh, its takes an Irishman to play the pipes!"