An armourers short story with a bren gun twist to the tale

[Peter Laidler]

I had only been out of my apprenticeship a few months, so it’s the spring of 1966 and I was going out to the ranges on my first go-it-alone job as a newly qualified 3rd class Armourer. We became 2nd class Armourers after a short on-the-job probationary period of about 6 months or so. This job was a day on the ranges at Bulford with the gun groups from the Regiment. The gun groups were the Bren gun teams. We were due to get our first L7 GPMG’s shortly and were still armed with L4 and .303” Brens. The rifle companies had the L4A2 guns and the Support and HQ Company still had .303” Mk2 Brens. Johnny Sparrow our Armourer Corporal had decided – unwisely as it transpired – that I was sufficiently capable of managing a day on the ranges with the gun teams. Who, to be honest, were quite capable of looking after themselves so far as their guns were concerned………

So there I was this bright spring morning on a range full of Bren guns. Obviously, new out of my 3 year apprenticeship, I knew everything there is to know about the theory of, well, everything. But woefully lacking in practical experience. To be honest and looking back, I was woefully sadly lacking in theoretical knowledge too. But that’s another story!

The guns were happily chugging away and I could hear one of the guns wasn’t well. There’d be the short bursts, a stoppage, gun drills as the stoppage was cleared….., then on a bit and the same again and……… then another stoppage followed by a bit of rough treatment with the gun and….. After a minute of this it was clear that something had gone wrong and the gun crew called for some help from The Armourer…….. Me! Not a wise move.

I strutted over to the gun and looked into the magazine well. It was a total mess. Looked under the gun …….. Same! The ejection opening cover was buckled and bulged, there was bits of brass shell casing jammed here there and everywhere, a torn cartridge case had shredded itself in the feed ramp and the breech block, piston extension et-al were jammed solid. Nothing would move. I could see that the breech block had started to move rearwards pulling the empty case out of the chamber but pulling the cocking handle simply made things worse. I told the gun crew that there was nothing I could do there but I’d take it off the range, to the end of the firing point where I’d ask for guidance from the Almighty and see if I could do something useful with it. Preferable, repair it. In the meantime the gun crew would have to use another gun from one of the other crews.

I remember that the gun was so jammed up that I couldn’t even push out the body locking pin. It really was a BIG jamb I can tell you! So there I sat on the edge of the fire trench at the end of the firing point. First I’d pick out a bit of brass case with my snipe nosed pliers then using my brass drift and hammer, try to move the piston extension rearwards, more brass, then drift piston extension forwards, more brass with pliers….., drift……, pliers……. Knock bowed ejection opening cover a bit then more brass, piston extension back, then cover, more brass until things were gradually starting to free themselves. The ejection cover moved a bit as if it was almost free so I tapped the piston extension rearwards – and it happened……..

There was the most almighty xxxxxxg great big bang! The brass drift flew one way – and was never found – and the hammer spun through the air in another direction. Something bright, yellow and shiny whizzzzzed past my ear. Yep……. You’ve got it. The SPENT case that was being extracted, ready to be ejected from the face of the jammed breech block wasn’t…. Nope….. It was a LIVE round that was partially fed into the breech but held up by the jammed up broken bits of brass and now buckled ejection opening cover. As I had cleared the last bit of the jam, I’d apparently just drifted the piston extension and therefore piston post AND breech block rearwards and they’d immediately spring forwards and fired off the round that was making its way into the breech.

At that point, I learned that what MUST follow was an enquiry regarding my negligent discharge. How can it be I asked several times. To be honest, or rather, dishonest…. one kindly but dishonest gun crew Sergeant said that he’d seen the bullet strike the ground several yards ahead of me but I rather thing it was making its way in the direction of France….. I was expecting 14 days loss of pay and restricted privileges or a month in a more comfortable Siberian gulag.

The following morning, back at Battlesbury The ASM, ASM Shepherd whom we called affectionately ‘The Good Shepherd’ told me that I was required to make a statement about the events leading up to this, er….., cock-up. He wasn’t as polite as that of course. But he did say ‘……….think VERY carefully about what you’re going to say before you say’ Later that day, Johnny Sparrow the Armourer Corporal had a look at my statement and took it over to the Clerk for her to type it out before I signed it and submitted it to the hang-mans posse at the HQ block. Well…….., what came back was absolutely nothing like the truth I’d written and as I’d seen it. It was like something out of the three bears picnic! I did mention it, but Johnny just suggested that ‘…….the ASM is under a bit of pressure from above and… and…… just xxxxxxg sign it and it’ll be OK……’

Another few weeks passed and I was called up before the BEME (the overall REME Commander of a Brigade). The kindly Major Frisby. Who by coincidence was another sporty type with whom I was in the shooting team and one of his cross country running team mates. So we knew each other, miles apart in rank, but sports team colleagues. I knocked and he called me in while he looked sternly at the sheet of pure drivel that I’d signed for Johnny Sparrow… And it dawned on me……….. The ASM, The Good Shepherd, was under a bit of pressure from Major Frisby who’d heard that one of his very junior and lowly Craftsmen and cross country running team mate was in the mire and needed a bit of help. He looked up sternly…….

He waffled on a bit and said ‘…….. Mmmmmm It is quite clear from what you have said that the ejection opening cover catch and spring – or both - had failed on the gun and as such was moving backwards and forwards with the piston extension and not allowing the cases to eject. But catching some, shredding others and suchlike until it jammed up solid. It’s clear from your report that you took the only course of action that was reasonably open to you, took the safe way out, gun down the range and having full control of the……….. Blah, blah blah……’

He went on ‘…….I have discussed this with the OC of the regiment and the Garrison/Brigade Commander and that are happy that this is a mechanical defect and the matter ends here’. I couldn’t believe my ears…………… Then to add a bit of icing to the cake, he said words to the effect ‘…….in view of this matter and the outcome I have told REME records that I am bringing your AP (apprenticeship probationary) period to an end forthwith. You are now a 2nd class Arrmourer forthwith. Off you go!

As I was leaving his Office, he said 'come and see me early next week about the Cross Country championship meeting in Dusseldorf next month’. THAT’s the reason……. He didn’t want me on restricted privileges in England when I could be doing the Cross Country races in Germany.

I went in and saw him the next week and my place in the team was confirmed. Much later we spoke at his office and he told me that REME records were about to post me ‘….somewhere’. He always heard about these things first….. And asked whether there’s anywhere I’d like to go or had I thought about anywhere such as Germany. He was thinking Germany as I could speak the language. I suggested that as a ‘singly’ (a single man with no ties), The Far East or somewhere warm might be a good idea. As I left, he just casually said ‘…… about that Bren gun thing….. don’t do it again, we might not be able to help next time’

He was right. The posting that came through was Australia. Charmed life or just lucky?

Information

Warning: This is a relatively older thread This discussion is older than 360 days. Some information contained in it may no longer be current.

[tankhunter]

Ha,Ha,Ha!.. Nice one Pete! We have all been in some sort of 'Situation' at one point or another!
The Boss (St. Eliguis. The Patron Saint of our Corps. R.E.M.E) Was certainly smiling down on you at that time Mate!

Easy to say now isn't it? But the FIRST thing hands on wise you should have done. Was wack out the Body locking pin with a brass drift. No spring pressure = No fire!
You were VERY lucky, nobody was standing in the line of fire. which the wedgeheads are apt to do at times!....Could have been a lot worse! Well done. That Man!!!...

[CINDERS]

I am glad you came to Australia Peter and hopefully enjoyed your time here as allot of your predecessors from the mother country had a rather different trip a few hundred years ago.
Seriously I hope you got over to the West Coast as the Wait A While state is a fair bit bigger than Gods country or pretty much any of the other states or territory (I say this tongue and cheek guys) in the rest of Aus......for that matter ?

[lima]

Peter,

I always enjoy these types of stories. You had me thinking, out of curiosity, would it have been possible to remove the barrel and barrel retaining nut to get a better view of things from the front end while it was all jammed up or would that have caused other problems?

[Peter Laidler]

Good idea Lima, Common sense would dictate that sort of thing now but when you're 19 and already know everything, common sense is in short supply! Thinking on my feet, I just have a gut feeling that if I had, then just lifting lifting the barrel nut MIGHT have allowed the jammed breech block to slip further forwards, the broken brass etc would have pushed the unlocked barrel out/forwards a tad and then the fired off the face of the breech block from an unsupported barrel. Soooo many probables.

Once you know or even suspect that there is a live round present, the problem magnifies itself. A rifle was laid on the firing point, loaded, and was run over by a lorry turning. Barrel bent and rod wouldn't go down..........

The sheer irony of this palava was that while I was the Tech Officer at Warminster at the main Small Arms School, I used to look at some of the pure waffle, bullshine and horse manure that was put forwards and pass comment! Like one mysterious mishap where '........the barrel had unscrewed itself by a complete turn' between the morning and afternoon detail! And THEN, as if by a dint of black magic, had screwed itself in again before the rifle was examined.

[browningautorifle]

black magic

Funny how that happens...

[CINDERS]

as if by a dint of black magic

Sure you did not smuggle a Kadiacha man back with you Peter when you left Ausse land.......

[RCEMERalf]

In my experience, when paraded in front of the CO and asked to comment on one's own misbehavior, the comment, " Sir, it seemed like a good idea at the time", was taken as admission of a screw up and usually resulted in lesser penance. Human failure rather than mechanical.
Thanks for the good story Peter!

[ZGB]

Its funny how the pucker factor goes to level 10 in the workshop peter when you know or suspect a live round to be present. I have had a few surplus weapons turn up with what appears to be loaded chambers, 99 times out a 100 they are stuck empty cases. Years ago i failed to check the chambers on a batch of very scrappy M1A1 tommy's only to have one go off on me when i was cutting through the barrels and i was standing at the end of the work bench! After checking myself for any new leaks we all had a joke about it. It knocked the youthful contempt out of me and i always stress to the other newer lads in the shop to always check each weapon and for contempt to breed even when working on big piles of surplus and the mind wonders.

[Brit plumber]

It happens to the best of us, I've made a few mistakes in my time too Peter, its what makes you a character. My most memorable was unloading a 14Kg Bomb from a Tornado, the guy who was cocking the thing off asked if I had hold of the right bomb as there were 2 to chose from. After asking me for a 3rd time I just shot him down with a 'Course I have, it's not my first time!' and so he cocked the bomb off and it fell to the floor. Luckily for the both of us, we had the safety pin fitted and our feet were well clear or else we could have been a little less mobile now.

The funniest mistake I ever made was adding a large ***** and hairy testicles to the life size 'SAINT' logo on a 16 Sqn Jaguar fin. Unfortunately it was at the Southend air show and the Pilot was not a very happy chap. My boss stopped mid way during my bollocking (In No.1 SD) to re-compose himself as he didn't want me to see him giggling to him self.