Allls well that ends well. A debt repaid, in full

[Peter Laidler]

All’s well that ends well. A debt repaid.
By Peter Laidler

All of the Army NCO’s reading this will understand the initials ‘ND”. It indicates a negligent discharge of a weapon, usually on the live firing ranges. Caused by poor weapon handling. Some say that the other reason is poor teaching – or worse, by harassed instructors being slack in passing those that really need more instruction.

Armourers of course, really have no excuse. They are taught their weapons in almost to an almost encyclopaedic depth. But occasionally…….

I was on Bulford ranges in the early months of 1966, soon after I’d arrived at Warminster to my first posting for my boy-service as an apprentice at Carlisle. I was a third class – but probationary second class Armourer.

I was accompanying our Corporal, John Sparrow and Sergeant Wilf Attrill that day with a couple of the rifle companies from The Welch Regiment with their L1A1 rifles and L4 Bren guns. If I remember correctly, during our apprenticeships we’d been taught by Harry Weekes on the old .303” Mk2 and 3 .303”: Brens. But here, in the real world we were using a similar version but in 7.62mm, called the L4 LMG. But a Bren is a Bren is a Bren.

Most ex apprentices will recall that we were taught ONE thing but when we got into the REAL world, it was something entirely different. Remember the Browning No2 pistol? We were taught it at Carlisle but I never saw one again until I got to Malaya a couple of years later. That’s because the army in the real world were still armed with .38” No2 revolvers. Anyway, this day fatherly Wilf and John had left me with the Bren crews as the Brens were just SO reliable that nothing ever really went wrong with them. I remember kindly Wilf reminding me that if there WAS a failure to just remember to check that the gunner hadn’t changed the change lever from SAFE to AUTO with the trigger squeezed.

But back to the story….. Suddenly there was a call for an Armourer as one of these magnificent Brens had jammed up. Not only had it jammed up, but it had jammed up BIG time. I strutted over to the firing point full of new found enthusiasm with my tool bag in han looking as though I knew what I was doing. Alas, looks can be deceptive and deception was the order of the day here I can tell you! I carefully peered down into the magazine well and into the bowels of the red-hot Bren. There I saw the piston extension and piston partially jammed back with the breech block jammed partially closed….., with a fired case stuck to the face of and a few other empty cartridges cases jammed solidly underneath the ejection slot in the piston extension – as though stuck between the partially closed ejection opening cover. If my memory or Harry Weeke’s instruction was correct, the ejection opening cover should be OPEN during firing.

If you’re a tad lost in the telling here, maybe you ought to get a cup of tea or better still, a largish glass of your favourite Scotch plus your copy of the Bren parts list…….

One of the gun crew called ‘Taffy…’ tome me in his totally undecipherable Welsh accent that ‘…..it’s shagged…’
Me. ‘..what’s happened then….?
Taffy ‘.. don’t ask me…., I got it like this….’ Which is the stock phrase when kit goes wrong.

I’ve learned that these and many other such are technical phrases used by all when describing faults to REME Armourers, Gun Fitters, Vehicle Mechs and Instrument Technicians. I lied by saying that I knew what it was (I didn’t….). I can’t clear it here, I’ll have to take it off the firing point. Nope, I didn’t have a clue what caused it. Much the same as I really didn’t know or understand how the trigger mechanism of the No8 rifle worked beyond a bit of white mans magic and learning it by rote to pass Stan Ayley’s 4th term exams.

With that, I took the totally jammed up Bren to the end of the firing point and while the rest of the rifle company and gun crews shot seven bells out of the butts, I sat, gun facing in the general direction of France, feet dangling into the empty fire trench while I set about trying to get the bloody thing apart while trying to pick out a few bits of broken and crushed shell cases out of it.

I tried the body locking pin – and that was jammed solid, I tried cocking it – and it was jammed solid. I tried pushing the breech block forwards – and that was solid. I tried sliding the jammed-up ejection opening cover forwards….., then back….. and that was solid. All this time, waving the gun around as I strutted my stuff. I sat and thought about it and decided that if I dislodged the broken/jammed up bits of cartridge case from under the piston extension….., jammed between the now beyond repair ejection opening cover, the breech block and the piston and piston extension would soon be free

It really was THAT simple……! So with gun upside down across my lap, feet dangling in the fire trench, I set about gently pounding seven bells out of the ejection opening cover with the brass, Drift, Armourers No4 and a hammer. Easing it forwards a bit, then back….., then forwards a bit and so on. While doing so I was able to pick the bits of crushed shell case bit by bit. Soon it would be clear and my range credibility (the 60’s equivalent of today’s cred would soon be rocketing skywards.

It wouldn’t be the only thing rocketing skywards either, I can tell you!

Just as I’d cleared the last pieces of broken and crushed shell casing from the bottom of the Bren, there was an almightly bang that distinctly sounded as though it came from the very gun that I’d been working on, straddled across my thighs. The brass drift went one way, the hammer another as the breech block, piston and piston extension reciprocated followed by another spent cartridge case that shot out of the bottom of the upside down Bren, whizzzzzing past my ear as it did. What the ……., er……. Dear o’ deary me I tried to exclaim but the words just wouldn’t come out. Those famous words uttered by the Mayor of Hiiroshima certainly did as I muttered ‘What the xxxxing hell was that. The range conducting staff were not exactly happy little rabbits either. We never did find the brass drift!

You’ve guessed it already of course. The subsequent investigation, kindly conducted by the sympathetic Wilf Attrill and John Sparrow and overseen by the AIA (the assistant inspector of armaments) from 27 Command Workshops decided that the ejection opening cover catch spring or catch had apparently failed during firing and this had allowed the cover to move to the rear with the piston extension. The first shell case had partially jammed and stopped the gun. The gunners had done the first ‘IA’ and fired again. The same thing happened again but this time they couldn’t do anything….., not even the ‘Cock gun, magazine off, new magazine on…..etc’ because it was jammed solid. Only this time they simply removed the magazine and called the Armourrer who didn’t identify that the round he could see half in the chamber was a LIVE round ready to ENTER the chamber and not a SPENT round that was partially ejected. So as the unsuspecting Armourer cleared the true spent/crushed bits of cartridge case, the breech block et-al was able to slide home……, chamber the LIVE round hanging half in and half out of the chamber and. Well, the rest is history

Things were a little easier in those days because there was no Company Commanders Orders or loss of many days pay. Yep….., things were a LOT easier then because the beautifully written glossy report I signed wasn’t remotely like anything I recall writing. And I certainly don’t remember telling them that I saw the wayward bullet strike the ground 50 yards or so down-range in front of me, well out of harms way.In fact I was so shaken up that I really didn’t remember anything.

The EME (the unit senior REME Officer) told me later that these facts had shown the care and attention to detail I’d shown during a particularly tricky stoppage that would have taxed an even more senior Armourer. I don’t know what planet he was on but he certainly wasn’t on the same one as me. Perhaps he was reading the glossy report.

Some weeks later I was called in to be told that the incident was a simple mechanical failure.

The AIA who ran the REME shooting team, of which I was also a keen member, appended the glossy report to the effect that I should not be chastised over the matter which had highlighted a serious potential problem….., blah blah blah and as a result, he brought forward my probationary second class confirmation by a month or so.

The matter only raised its head once more. Several weeks later, while spotting for me at an important inter-unit league shoot against RMCS, the AIA whispered into my ear ‘….don’t make a cock-up like that again. We might not be able to help you next time. Another thing…., you’re due to be posted soon – is there anywhere that you’d like to go?’

The posting came soon afterwards and off I went to Australia, New Zealand and Malaya for 3 years.


Yes, things were certainly different then. But it isn’t all bad news. Several years ago I was able to return the favour by helping out another young flustered REME fitter who had the misfortune to have what clearly looked to be a non-consequential ND on a range ‘somewhere in the South of England…’ while I was acting as the Range Conducting Officer. Without going into the gory details of his apparent ‘mechanical failure’ with his SA80, I was able to slide up to him several weeks later and whisper into his ear ‘….don’t make a cock-up like that again. We might not be able to help you next time

All's well that ends well as they say

* There's something that I forgot to mention..... While this event and subsequent enquiry was going on, the various 'higher-ups' were all commenting that in all honesty, the days of the mighty Bren, loved by all, except me of course, were numbered. And that this new fangled gun that they'd all heard about, the FN MAG 58 - that didn't even have a UK designation yet, was due in service and would be replacing the Bren and the old belt-fed Vickers. True, the Vickers went in 1968 (Gurkhas in Malaya/Borneo and Paratroopers in Aden) but little did they know that it would not be until 2002 that the very last Brens were finally withdrawn from the reserve Order of Battle. And with it, the very last vestiges of the Vickers too. The two part gauge for measuring throat erosion on the barrels. Not a lot of people know that...........

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